Not “blocking your blessings”

It’s summer of 2016 and I’m perusing niggas. I’m lost in this sex filled trance and I don’t know how I got here. I keep telling myself I don’t know how I got here. There’s this emptiness in the pit of my stomach begging to be filled. I fill it the only way I know how to.

Sex.

Picture this, there’s a small two bedroom apartment filled with people I don’t know. I’m still perusing. I’ve had too much Hennessy and Grey Goose but I’m trying to navigate my way to my bedroom. My drinks are spilling and I don’t care. I’m thinking “this is my house so what can anyone really do.” I spilled a drink on you. Too drunk to care I don’t stop and apologize. That was only the first night.

I see you again, only this time I’m sober and on the prowl. I know what I want and I make it my goal to get exactly that. You. I make small talk to get your attention. Mentioning how you had recently followed me on twitter only to inquire about a thirst trap I had as my header. I knew we wanted the same thing. There was only one problem, your girlfriend. You said that didn’t matter, so we exchanged numbers. I was one step closer to getting what I wanted. One step closer to getting my soul snatched.

We made an arrangement to keep this situation low-key. As low-key as one could hope, but how could we really manage that. Despite wanting to keep it a secret there were always people around. It seemed like that was never really a problem. So, we got to it.

You lifted my skirt up, and began fingering me. I was nervous at first, and kept thinking “am I really doing this?” I was. My once henny-filled body was now full of dick. You fucked me sober. The soul snatching began. The life changing sex that raised my standards was in full effect. You were thrusting in and out of me and I could feel chills throughout my body. The ecstasy that came with fucking someone I wasn’t supposed to only made me wetter. I wanted time to stand still. My sheets were soaked. You pulled out and we took a break. More like I needed a break, I needed to collect myself. Gather my thoughts. Before I could catch my breath you began fingering me again. You weren’t wasting any time. My legs were shaking, you didn’t stop until I began to squirt. It was my turn to pleasure you. I stopped and stared in awe. I had never seen something so beautiful. I took you in my mouth and allowed you to fuck my face. This was the start of loving the feeling of a bruised throat. You treated my throat the same way you did my pussy and I was reveling in the moment.

You came and went twice. I craved the feelings I had in that short period of time and never wanted to let them go. I was shook. You left me in a daze for months. I wondered if having sex with emotionally unavailable boys was something I should do more often. I thought “how can I let someone’s girlfriend block my blessings?” “How can I continue to miss out on the best dick of my life?”

But that was the old me.